There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
