i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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