Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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