I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
...so i touched it.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
