I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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