got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
