Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
