what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
