we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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