Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
