how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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