our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
