I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
