i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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