Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
