if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
please don't ironically join a cult
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
