I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
