Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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