Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
