I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Is her dick bigger than yours?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
