Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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