i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
