The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
