i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
