We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I AM VODKA MAN
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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