no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
