i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
