I want to walk on stilts...naked
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
