We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
