i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
