I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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