Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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