I just made out with a guy for $7.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
