so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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