he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Randomize
