why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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