is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
