It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
this boner is exhausting
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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