Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
