hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
