tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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