8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
