He uses pillows to masturbate.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
