I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
