I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
