i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
