yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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