ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
