There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
