she woke up with a sticky ear
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
