Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
