There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
