make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
