I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
