i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
