Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
