i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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