You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
